"I PUT THE FUN IN FUNERAL" I yell as I surf down the church steps on your grandma’s casket
iowa is the only state that consists entirely of vowels
|—||every message in my inbox for the next 16 years (via corporateaccount)|
it’s just universally accepted that band geeks is the best episode of spongebob
Whoever’s the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on
Sibling Revelry of the Day: YouTuber danamal55 says: “My little brother and I were counting my cash one day so I decided to let him have a little fun. I told him that he can keep whatever money he catches… He caught $57 of MY hard earned cash. Shoulda thought this one through more.”
Good Brother Dan meme in 3… 2…
OH MY GOODNESS, THE KID’S FACE WHEN HE CATCHES THE MONEY
ooooooooooooooooooooooh my gooooooosh
if you’ve never heard “You Are My Sunshine” in minor key you really need to it sounds like a tale of a stalking murderer
petition to make this the new loading gif
|—||Iain S. Thomas (via girlycardz)|
all these spoons but no one to spoon with
My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%
NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.
It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.
An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.
So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.
My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.
I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..
What’s next pizza delivery hitmen
included in this order for a large ground beef is a dossier containing information on your target. he is to be neutralized before delivery. do not let him reach the airport. no pepperoni.